I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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