My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
