Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
