I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
