when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
