Just fell off a train. Bad.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
