Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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