saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
