@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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