i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
