How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
