her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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