the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
