i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
