I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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