Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
