i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
