she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
