There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
