I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
