I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
