NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
