If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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