You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just took my morning after pill in the library
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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