finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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