am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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