Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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