I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
