just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
