You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
