I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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