that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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