Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Still dying that you shit outside
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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