I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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