He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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