You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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