She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
