I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She bit a glass in half.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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