I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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