my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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