she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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