If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
