i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
