i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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