tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My bed smells like the plague
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
