I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize