About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
