I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize