Sponge bath it is.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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