I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Need sex. Gaining weight.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
