I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I deserve this hangover.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
