The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Your penis caused this!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
