I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
