if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im about as happy as oj after his trial
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
