she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
