last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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