What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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