i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize