note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
