My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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