the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
