How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
