I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
