$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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