You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
