Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
