That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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