If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We had sex on a dog bed..
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
