Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
