Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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