I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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